Do you love giving people feedback? Are you good at it? Have you considered that not all types of feedback are created equal? I categorize feedback into 4 distinct types: The Request, The Helping Hand, Reaction-based Feedback, and Obligatory Feedback. What difference does the type of feedback have on your delivery and your effectiveness? Even with heartfelt concern and kind delivery, sometimes it just does not feel appropriate. Is it possible I’m just “chickening out” in order to avoid hurt feelings or confrontation? For sure. I can be a chicken. That fact aside, I believe there are legitimate reasons to hold your tongue. The problem is that it can be challenging to know which direction to take. The solution? Here are three steps to help you make the decision and land on the best outcome.
1. Understand your purpose for providing the feedback
The Request: Are you giving feedback because you want to request a change of someone that will help you in some way?
The Helping Hand: Do you feel like you can help someone in the future by sharing your feedback with them?
Reaction-based Feedback: Did something happen that creates a reaction in you that compels you to provide the feedback?
Obligatory Feedback: Are you giving feedback to someone because you feel like it is your responsibility to do so?
Being able to articulate the outcome you are looking to achieve and understanding your ultimate purpose for giving feedback to someone is an important foundation to effectively craft your approach.
The Top 5 Leadership Skills (and how to build them!)
2. Weigh the likelihood of effectiveness
Does the person you intend to give feedback to have the context to understand? If not, are you prepared to effectively provide the context? Does he or she also have the ability to shape a new outcome as a result of your feedback? Last but not least, does the person appear to care?
Answering these questions will help to guide you. It’s possible you will consider alternate timing or other steps before going forward.
3. Evaluate the Risk-Return Tradeoff
As a Recruiter with 20 years of experience being a middleman between candidates, managers, and employees, I’ve seen behind the curtain of feedback exchanges. Everyone metabolizes feedback differently. Science shows us that we are born with anatomical differences in the brain that are associated with a person’s reactiveness thus the way they handle feedback. Some individuals have a wider emotional swing than others. For them, feedback will cause them to have a more pronounced, and longer-lasting positive or negative reaction. I have seen cases where well-intended feedback has caused a person to slip into depression. Others live in a narrower emotional troth. For those individuals, feedback, positive or negative, will tend to “roll-off their backs”. They can get the message and move on quickly regardless of whether the feedback was positive or negative.
The point about assessing risk-return trade-off is to consider if the benefit you are aiming for, is worth the potential negative side effects. In determining if there is a real risk of doing more harm than good, consider these two things: What is the scope of the person’s emotional spectrum generally? And, importantly, where does the topic of feedback lie relative to the individual’s source of identity. For example, if someone told me that I have the worst golf swing they have ever seen, I would think that’s pretty generous. I do not golf (sadly), so that feedback has little to no emotional effect on me. If someone kindly gave me feedback about my parenting or leadership, they would be in much more sensitive territory. The emotional spectrum and the topic’s proximity to the individual’s source of identity are important to be aware of.
Highlighting these considerations is not intended to encourage anyone to shy away from giving necessary feedback. On the contrary, the goal is to help you to deliver it in the most impactful way given the person, timing, and nature of the feedback. For more tips on all things staffing and hiring, check out our Employer Tips or contact us at mglenny@franklinprofessionals.com.
