In 2005, I was a newly appointed outside sales rep for a staffing company. One afternoon, as I was still getting settled in my office, my boss approached me with a lead on a company he thought would be a good prospect. He said, “Why don’t you swing in there tomorrow on your way into the office and see who you can talk to?” Of course, I obliged even though a streak of terror went through me at the thought of walking in cold and asking to talk with someone with the power to make buying decisions.
The next morning, I listened to Tony Robbins and Brian Tracey all the way through my hour-long commute trying to round up all the courage I could wield. Stepping out of the car, my ensemble of black suit, high heels, and pearls felt protective in some way. I grabbed my leather-bound notepad and a business card. It read “Business Development Manager”. At 25 years old, I kinda thought I was hot shit for having a business card that said “Manager” next to my name. All was well as I crossed the parking lot and stepped through the front door. A few more steps brought me to the reception desk. I heard the door make a thud behind me as it shut. So did the woman sitting behind the desk. She looked up and said,
“May I help you?”
I smiled, looked her in the eyes, and said
“Hi, my name is…”
The silence hung awkwardly in the air. That’s right, “hi, my name is” was the end of the sentence. Looking back, I laugh because I can hear myself and all I can think of is Slim Shady’s “My Name Is”, which, ironically was popular at the time. There was no laughing back then. It felt like the room was weirdly crumbling around us as I stood there trying to remember my name and time stood still in the worst possible moment. I literally could not, and did not, think of my name!
The next thing I remember, I was walking in the parking lot with a slippery leather-bound notebook in one hand and a soggy business card in the other. And there was my name!
If you have ever had a panic attack, this might sound a little familiar to you and I am sure you can empathize with the awfulness of the feeling. When I got back to my office, my boss asked me how things went. I said,
“Well, I didn’t get to talk with anybody today,” and I thought, “and I never will because I am never ever going back in there!”.
Why am I telling you this story? I’d like you to know that if I can start my networking career with forgetting my name and running out of the building and today, write to you as the owner of a business responsible for placing thousands of people into jobs over the last 10 years, you have absolutely nothing to fear. I did eventually go back into the company where I had so unexpectedly performed the Slim Shady bit but admittedly not until I had seriously changed my look. There are many things I have learned along the way but the greatest of those is what I want to share with you today. My goal for you is to be a confident and effective networker faster and a lot more easily than I did. Here it is:
It’s all just breadcrumbs
In neuroscience, there is something called Disappointment Avoidance. It goes like this: You try something and you don’t get the outcome you wanted and so you are inclined to avoid that thing in the future. The reason it works so powerfully is because when we try and “fail” at something, it tends to hit straight at our self-esteem. The idea that things not working out is somehow equivalent to our self-worth is the biggest lie people tell themselves. When you network and don’t get responses or meaningful conversations or any new customers or the job you are trying to find, it’s easy to be discouraged. But remember, your feeling about something is determined by the meaning you attach to it. That is to say, your feeling is your choice. Rather than seeing a pile of efforts that didn’t generate the outcome you are looking for, can you see the pile of efforts you have already laid down that are bringing you closer to it?
All of these experiences and interactions are the breadcrumbs that lead you to your mission. In networking, you cannot fail because there is no finish line. It’s all breadcrumbs.
For more tips on all things job search, professional development, staffing, and hiring check out our Employee Tips and Employer Tips or contact us at mglenny@franklinprofessionals.com.
